You Know You Own A Hummer When...
Posted: Wed Sep 13, 2006 11:46 am
...Other cars quickly scatter out of the way when they see you in their rear-view.
...You don't measure fuel efficiency by miles per gallon, but rather gallons per mile.
...Military personnel salute you as you drive by.
...It’s so large that a dropped wrench will slowly orbit around it.
...Even Kragen Auto can't supply you with wiper blade replacements.
...It weighs more than an RV.
...When you return from shopping, you find it has nose and handprints all over the gla*s.
...Its brake disks are large enough to cook pizzas on.
...You can't reach far enough to slap the person sitting in the pa*senger seat.
...Police and highway patrol pull you over just to ask you questions about your car.
...The cup holders appear to have been designed by Russian scientists for use on the Mir Space Station.
...Transporting the service manual requires you to increase your tire pressure due to the additional weight.
...An entire cla*s period can be disrupted by simply driving it into the school parking lot.
...The drive-thru lane at McDonalds is wider now than when you had entered.
...Complete strangers appear from nowhere and invite you on hunting trips.
...Annoyances like curbs, speed bumps and fire hydrants are no longer a nuisance.
...You come to the conclusion that Miss Manners has done a lousy job based on the number of people who point their fingers at you.
...Jeep owners avoid looking at you.
...The center console is larger than a Buick trunk.
...The glove box is smaller than a Toyota coin tray.
...Your left knee has a perpetual bruise on it from pressing against the window control.
...Your wife refuses to drive it.
...Your wife refuses to let you drive it.
...You now find khaki and camouflage clothing fashionable.
...Your two-car garage has become a one-car garage.
...You have 7 clever ways of replying to the question, "How much did it cost? " without telling them how much it cost.
...You find that two "compact" parking places are better than one standard parking place.
...You purchase a ma*sive stereo amplification system just so you can hear the stereo.
...It’s larger than your friend's apartment.
...The service manuals cost more than your first car did.
...New one cost's more than your first Condo.
...Rancho,Edelbrock,Lift Kits,GPS,Dynomax, 315/70R/17, become the new family topic's of Conversation.
...Folding mirrors are no longer an option they are a must have.
...Looking for a train horn to replace factory ones.
...Sunroof is as big as the roof of a Smart Car.
...Your rear window tags read "MOBILE NUCLEAR FALLOUT SHELTER"
...You now notice signs posting "Bridge Height Restrictions".
...Underground parkades scare the crap out of you.
...Your hand falls asleep on the hand rest of your stick shift.
...You have GOBI's phone number memorized
...The word's "Bling" and "Blacked Out" are used daily.
...For holidays you look for OHV trails and mud.
[img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img] <edited><editID>MDimitri</editID><editDate>2006-09-13 11:51:55</editDate></edited>
...You don't measure fuel efficiency by miles per gallon, but rather gallons per mile.
...Military personnel salute you as you drive by.
...It’s so large that a dropped wrench will slowly orbit around it.
...Even Kragen Auto can't supply you with wiper blade replacements.
...It weighs more than an RV.
...When you return from shopping, you find it has nose and handprints all over the gla*s.
...Its brake disks are large enough to cook pizzas on.
...You can't reach far enough to slap the person sitting in the pa*senger seat.
...Police and highway patrol pull you over just to ask you questions about your car.
...The cup holders appear to have been designed by Russian scientists for use on the Mir Space Station.
...Transporting the service manual requires you to increase your tire pressure due to the additional weight.
...An entire cla*s period can be disrupted by simply driving it into the school parking lot.
...The drive-thru lane at McDonalds is wider now than when you had entered.
...Complete strangers appear from nowhere and invite you on hunting trips.
...Annoyances like curbs, speed bumps and fire hydrants are no longer a nuisance.
...You come to the conclusion that Miss Manners has done a lousy job based on the number of people who point their fingers at you.
...Jeep owners avoid looking at you.
...The center console is larger than a Buick trunk.
...The glove box is smaller than a Toyota coin tray.
...Your left knee has a perpetual bruise on it from pressing against the window control.
...Your wife refuses to drive it.
...Your wife refuses to let you drive it.
...You now find khaki and camouflage clothing fashionable.
...Your two-car garage has become a one-car garage.
...You have 7 clever ways of replying to the question, "How much did it cost? " without telling them how much it cost.
...You find that two "compact" parking places are better than one standard parking place.
...You purchase a ma*sive stereo amplification system just so you can hear the stereo.
...It’s larger than your friend's apartment.
...The service manuals cost more than your first car did.
...New one cost's more than your first Condo.
...Rancho,Edelbrock,Lift Kits,GPS,Dynomax, 315/70R/17, become the new family topic's of Conversation.
...Folding mirrors are no longer an option they are a must have.
...Looking for a train horn to replace factory ones.
...Sunroof is as big as the roof of a Smart Car.
...Your rear window tags read "MOBILE NUCLEAR FALLOUT SHELTER"
...You now notice signs posting "Bridge Height Restrictions".
...Underground parkades scare the crap out of you.
...Your hand falls asleep on the hand rest of your stick shift.
...You have GOBI's phone number memorized
...The word's "Bling" and "Blacked Out" are used daily.
...For holidays you look for OHV trails and mud.
[img]smileys/smiley2.gif[/img] <edited><editID>MDimitri</editID><editDate>2006-09-13 11:51:55</editDate></edited>